I just want to break down crying today. I've been dealing with the insurance company this morning. Before I start infertility treatments I have to have pre-authorization. What a mess! They just have to have proof that we have been trying for a year, but I have to get that from the doctor. I don't know if I have to go in or if what I told the dr when I was in for my annual is enough. And of course I was talking to some flunky on the phone instead of the person who will actually approve it. I really wish I would have told the dr last time I was in that we had been trying for a lot longer- then I could start treatment now like I was really hoping to. Now, if they do approve me I won't be able to make an appointment until January.
I am just so incredibly sad. I really don't want to have to go through fertility treatments. I just want to conceive naturally, but I simply know that won't happen. I really have little to no hope that it will happen this month. Part of me doesn't even want to try so I won't be let down again.
When my period started on Tuesday, it was really rough on me. I don't have any hope left in me. I'm totally drained. I just want to find out what is wrong with us. It hurts so much each time my period starts and reminds me how alone I am. No one understands, not even Benji. He seems like he could care less. He gets upset b/c I am sad, but not upset b/c we can't conceive. And that just makes me incredibly mad at him. I am so alone- I can't talk to Benji and I don't have any friends to talk to either. Everyone else can easily conceive or think that trying for a year really isn't that big of a deal.
It just hurts so much.