A lot has changed
Where to start? Well after my m/c I had some bleeding at Easter. I happily thought that it was AF and I was excited to get back on track. Unfortunately it was just a scab or something coming loose and was not AF because at my Dr appt 2wks after m/c my HCG was still at 56. I went back in a week and a half later (3.5wks post D&C) and my HCG had dropped to 10. In less than a week I started my period (Monday May 8, a little over 4wks post D&C)
In May I just tried to stay calm about the whole thing. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok with not getting pregnant this summer. My period should have begun on June 5th, but it did not. I was convinced that it was b/c my hormones were out of whack after the m/c. I figured there was no way I could be pg after how long it took the first time. Benji's reunion was that Friday (June 9) so I decided to test so I knew for sure if I should be drinking. I knew it would come back negative. I did not feel pregnant and I just knew I wasn't. Well there was a second line. Faint, but there. I couldn't believe it. I was happy, but it was very subdued b/c I was convinced I wasn't and b/c I was scared of what lay ahead. I took another test later on in the week and this time the line was darker. I was indeed pregnant.
I called the doc and the nurse let me schedule an u/s at 6w4d (June 23). We were able to see the heart beat. It measured at 6w0d and heart rate was 110. I was a little scared b/c that is right around the same heart rate we saw last time and I was scared that it could signify the same end. Dr told me not to worry b/c anything over 100 they consider ok. Plus with it being so early, the heart might just be starting up.
On Tuesday after my u/s I woke up at 3:30am terrified something was wrong. I just knew I had lost the baby. Crazy, but I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. I was so close to calling the OB to have another u/s (last one was only 4 days ago!!) Luckily I was able to calm down and by Wed I was feeling better.
The following Monday (July 3- 8w0dLMP) I took a shower and felt terrible. I had to turn off the water before I had all of the conditioner out of my hair b/c I thought I was going to get sick. YEA! Morning Sickness! I have never been so relieved to feel sick. Might sound silly to some, but after having a m/c I welcome any sign that I am still pregnant.
I'm now 9w2d and once again I am terrified. I am right around the same point I m/c'd last time. I wake up every day hoping to feel sick and poking my boobs. M/S wise I feel fine. I am really hungry at times, but I don't feel sick like I used to. Boobs also aren't as sore as they were last time. I have to poke them pretty hard some days to get them to hurt. I know that each pregnancy is different, but I am just so scared that my body is telling me something. I don't want this one to be the same. I'm just so scared.
My dr's appt isn't for another 2weeks. I've debated calling and asking for a u/s next week (Dr said he'd be ok with that to make me feel better). But I know that even if I go in and everything is fine I could still be freaked out 3 days later. So I pray alot. Pray for health and safety and growth of my baby and pray for my sanity. I also pray that he will give me a sign either way. If everything is ok, I'd like to know, but if it isn't I'd also like to know now. Waiting is just so hard, especially when you feel so helpless.
On the up-side, other than the past, I don't have any reason to suspect something is wrong. I've had no bleeding or anything like I did the first time. It's just my mind working overtime to drive me nuts. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It really sucks the joy out of being pregnant.
In May I just tried to stay calm about the whole thing. I tried to convince myself that I would be ok with not getting pregnant this summer. My period should have begun on June 5th, but it did not. I was convinced that it was b/c my hormones were out of whack after the m/c. I figured there was no way I could be pg after how long it took the first time. Benji's reunion was that Friday (June 9) so I decided to test so I knew for sure if I should be drinking. I knew it would come back negative. I did not feel pregnant and I just knew I wasn't. Well there was a second line. Faint, but there. I couldn't believe it. I was happy, but it was very subdued b/c I was convinced I wasn't and b/c I was scared of what lay ahead. I took another test later on in the week and this time the line was darker. I was indeed pregnant.
I called the doc and the nurse let me schedule an u/s at 6w4d (June 23). We were able to see the heart beat. It measured at 6w0d and heart rate was 110. I was a little scared b/c that is right around the same heart rate we saw last time and I was scared that it could signify the same end. Dr told me not to worry b/c anything over 100 they consider ok. Plus with it being so early, the heart might just be starting up.
On Tuesday after my u/s I woke up at 3:30am terrified something was wrong. I just knew I had lost the baby. Crazy, but I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. I was so close to calling the OB to have another u/s (last one was only 4 days ago!!) Luckily I was able to calm down and by Wed I was feeling better.
The following Monday (July 3- 8w0dLMP) I took a shower and felt terrible. I had to turn off the water before I had all of the conditioner out of my hair b/c I thought I was going to get sick. YEA! Morning Sickness! I have never been so relieved to feel sick. Might sound silly to some, but after having a m/c I welcome any sign that I am still pregnant.
I'm now 9w2d and once again I am terrified. I am right around the same point I m/c'd last time. I wake up every day hoping to feel sick and poking my boobs. M/S wise I feel fine. I am really hungry at times, but I don't feel sick like I used to. Boobs also aren't as sore as they were last time. I have to poke them pretty hard some days to get them to hurt. I know that each pregnancy is different, but I am just so scared that my body is telling me something. I don't want this one to be the same. I'm just so scared.
My dr's appt isn't for another 2weeks. I've debated calling and asking for a u/s next week (Dr said he'd be ok with that to make me feel better). But I know that even if I go in and everything is fine I could still be freaked out 3 days later. So I pray alot. Pray for health and safety and growth of my baby and pray for my sanity. I also pray that he will give me a sign either way. If everything is ok, I'd like to know, but if it isn't I'd also like to know now. Waiting is just so hard, especially when you feel so helpless.
On the up-side, other than the past, I don't have any reason to suspect something is wrong. I've had no bleeding or anything like I did the first time. It's just my mind working overtime to drive me nuts. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It really sucks the joy out of being pregnant.
posted by The Deals | 1:56 PM
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