Questions

I've been wondering a couple of things lately:

Did I know subconsciously that I was going to m/c? I had a dream around the time I m/c'd about losing the baby when I went to the bathroom. Did my mind know that I had already lost the baby fore my body could tell me? Did I know the whole time that this would happen- ever since that first trip to the ER at 5w?

Would I have rather not been pg at all? Some days the answer is a resounding yes, somedays a no. Was the joy of being pg (even though it was a short time) worth the pain of losing the baby? Which pain is worse- sustained pain from IF, or pain from m/c? I have no idea. I was in such despair during IF, but m/c really sucked too.

Why can't I just get pg and stay pg?!? I just want to be normal and have a child.